Tag Archives: lesbian mother

A Difficult New York Case and A Disappointing Resolution

I know I’ve been quite sporadic here–this semester seems a good deal more absorbing than others have recently, particularly because I am in the editing process for a piece on surrogacy that I wrote.  (I’ll let you all know when it is out.)  But today’s New York Times brings a story worthy of comment.   So here I am.

The story is here.   I don’t have a link to the actual decision, which was a few weeks back, I believe.    The basic structure of the case will be familiar to those who read the blog, though as always the details are different.   I’m sorry to say that this seems like a particularly sad iteration of an already-sad story.   It’s worth noting at the outset that most of what we know is from one party’s point of view as the other didn’t talk to the reporter.  For this reason, and also because even when you have both sides you don’t really know what happened, I’m going with a fairly bare-bones version of the story.  I’m not interested in arguing about specific facts when none of us know what they are.

Jann and Jamie were a lesbian couple.   Neither of their lives had been easy.   Jamie wanted to have a child, which Jann wasn’t sure was a great idea given their relationship.   They decided to go forward and Jamie gave birth to a boy in November, 2011.   (It appears that they did home insemination, which is something else to discuss, but I’m not sure it matters as the case played out.)   The women were married in, I think, January 2012.   (Order is critical here. I think it fairly clear that if they had married two months or so earlier, Jann’s legal rights would have been secured.)   Continue reading

Important NJ Case On Psychological Parent

I’m detouring from surrogacy to write about an important new decision from New Jersey.   The opinion, issued by the Appellate Division of the Superior Court, is here.   I’m going to take a bit of time to lay out the facts before discussing the issues raised and resolved.     Do note that the case is subject to further appeal in New Jersey as well as subsequent proceedings in the lower court should the appellate opinion stand.

KAF and FD were a lesbian couple.  They began living together in 1999.  They decided to have a child together.   They used sperm from a donor and Arthur was born in 2002.   They relationship did not thrive and in 2004 they split up.   However, unlike many lesbian couples who show up in court cases, they got along well enough afterwards and in 2005 FD adopted Arthur.   (She did so with KAF’s approval, which I’m quite sure was required.) Continue reading

New NH Holding Out Opinion

I know I’ve been silent for quite a while. Bit of a break. But there’s a new opinion that has brought me back to the keyboard. It’s from the Supreme Court of New Hampshire and is yet one more case of the breakup of a lesbian family. (Sadly you’ll find a number of those on the blog. Because the legal status of lesbian co-parents can be unclear there is often the opportunity for litigation if things get messy.)

For the purposes of its decision the court took the facts as stated by the petitioner, Susan B.   I will do the same.

Susan and Melissa D met in 1997.  They held a commitment ceremony (no legal marriage that time) in 1998.   They wanted to have a family and bought a house together.  Melissa gave birth to Madeline in 2002.   She was conceived using sperm from an anonymous donor who shared Susan’s Irish heritage.

Many details seem to confirm Susan’s status as a parent (and here I mean social status):

Susan and Melissa decided to give Madelyn Susan’s middle and last names.

Susan and Melissa were both named as Madelyn’s parents in the birth announcements sent to friends and family and printed in the local newspaper, as well as in a “dedication ceremony” held in the Unitarian Universalist Church when Madelyn was a year old. Susan was listed as Madelyn’s parent in her preschool documents and in her medical records. Susan was involved in the daily care of Madelyn, and Susan and Melissa jointly made all decisions involved in raising Madelyn, including decisions regarding health care, education, and religion.

Continue reading

New Families in All Their Infinite Variety?

Back in March I put up a post about a column by David Dodge, who is a sperm donor for lesbian couples who are friends of his.  (The idea is that he will be known to the child but will not function as a parent.)   It was on the Motherlode blog (run by the New York Times).

Well, now it turns out that this is to be a weekly series under the name “Sperm Donor Diary.”   This in itself is probably a sign of the times.   Last week he posted about euphemisms, describing a conversation about what he was doing he had with, among others, an 11 year old brother.   I didn’t comment on that, but it is surely worth a look.  (It also strikes me that each of the first two columns in the series have a great deal to do with language–a reminder of how important the words we choose are.)    One thing notable (and also carried over from the first entry) is the degree of openness in the process underway.   This, I think, bodes well for the future.  No secrets means no tension about letting secrets out.

Anyway, here is this week’s post and it has prompted me to write.     Tori and Kelly are the lesbian couple involved.   Kelly is pregnant (and the baby is due in July.)   That’s as much as we knew in the past, I think, and it really isn’t that unusual.  But it turns out that both Kelly and Tori provided eggs that were fertilized in vitro using Dodge’s sperm.   Continue reading

Australian Birth Certificates And What They Mean

I approach the topic of birth certificates with some trepidation, because it seems to be a particularly controversial topic.   I approach Australian law with great trepidation, as I have no real understanding of Australian law.  I rely on what others say, and that is always risky.   So you can just imagine the degree of trepidation with which I approach the topic of Australian birth certificates.  But nonetheless, here I am.

Some background first:  One problem with talking about birth certificates is reaching an agreement about what they are/what they do.  I’ve written about this a number of times.   (See above trepidation.)

A number of things make the topic more complicated than it might at first seem.  For one thing, I assume every country (and many states) have their own ways of doing things.  Continue reading

New Case on Genetic and Gestational Lesbian Mothers in the UK

First off, thanks to Natalie Gamble and Bill Singer for pointing me towards this case.   It’s actually a nice complement to the Jason Patric case, which has been the focus of a lot of recent discussion here.

A lesbian couple in the UK wanted to have children.   One woman provided eggs.  (She’s the genetic mother.)  These were fertilized in vitro and the resulting embryos were transferred to the other woman’s uterus.   (She’s the gestational mother.)  The gestational mother gave birth to twins.

Both women cared for the children with the genetic mother assuming the role of stay-at-home mom.   As some point one of the earlier-created embryos was transferred to the uterus of the genetic mother and a third child was born.   (The third child is a full genetic sibling to the twins.) Continue reading

US To Mothers–We Love You, We Love You Not

This is in the nature of a belated acknowledgement of Mother’s Day (which has, of course, come and gone.)  I’m not partial to the holiday as I think it a commercial construct.   But of course, the idea of motherhood is endlessly fascinating to me.

As a nation it seems to me the US runs hot and cold about mothers, as it does about parents and children generally.   Remember, as I’ve noted recently a number of times, that the primacy of children and their well-being is the one universally agreed upon point in all the litigation about same sex marriage?   Everyone agrees we must do what is best for children.   The disagreement comes when we get to what exactly is best for them.

Further, for the more conservative forces that the child needs a mother must seem virtually self-evident.  Continue reading