Two Pending Lesbian Mother Cases Worth Watching

There’s an excellent blog run by the people at Columbia Law School’s Center for Gender and Sexuality.    It’s had a couple of recent postings on pending cases involving claims by lesbian mothers.   One is in New York, the other Puerto Rico.  In both cases the Center has filed amicus briefs.  

The New York case arises in a situation that is all too familiar:  two women decide to raise a child together.    One gives birth.  Both parent the child.  At some point the women break up.  The woman who gave birth has a clear legal right to be recognized as a parent.   The woman who did not give birth does not have such a clear right.  The legal mother asserts that the non-legal mother is not a parent and attempts to cut off all contact between the non-legal mother and the child.  I’ve written about  a number of these cases from various states. 

Vermont/Virginia Lesbian Mother Lesbian Mother Update

There’s a case that has literally been dragging on for years that I’ve talked about repeatedly.   (The link will lead you to the last most recent post and you can follow it backwards from there.)   A new development is worthy of mention. 

Janet Jenkins and Lisa Miller were in a lesbian relationship.  They had a child together–Isabella.  She is now seven. 

Jenkins and Miller split up in 2003 and fought over parentage of the child.  Miller, who had given birth to Isabella, insisted that Jenkins was not a legal parent.   She went to court in Virginia, a state notably hostile to lesbian and gay couples.   Jenkins went to court in Vermont, a state far more supportive of lesbian and gay relationships.  

The Irresponsible Parent

(This is a continuation of the discussion begun in my last post.  You might want to go and read that first.)

In my last post I argued that it’s misleading to criticize some people’s choices to become parents as selfish, because all people’s choices to become parents are equally selfish.    However, I didn’t mean to suggest that no criticism of individual decision-making was possible.  I suggested that the better question was whether the decision to become a parent was responsible.    

Before I go further down that road, a bit of discussion is necessary.    There’s at least an argument that the decision to become a parent is personal and hence, shielded from public examination of the sort I am suggesting.  

To the extent this is true, it seems to me it ought to be equally true for all people.  Thus, it is as true for a single woman as it is for a married couple. 

The Selfish Parent

Recently I’ve been thinking about the assertion that some people’s decisions to become a parent are selfish.   Of course, being selfish is never a good thing, so asserting that someone’s choice is selfish is one way, and perhaps an effective way, of suggesting that their choice to become a parent is not a legitimate or worthy choice.    

You see this argument deployed in many different contexts.   Some assert that the decision of the fifty-ish couple to become a parents via surrogacy (the topic of a recent post) was selfish.  In comments on posts about sperm donors I’ve seen the assertion that using gametes from an unknown provider/donor is selfish.   I’ve seen similar assertions of selfishness leveled at single parents (perhaps most typically single mothers), lesbian and gay parents, and other not-quite-typical parents.  Though I haven’t gone back to reread all my old posts, I wouldn’t be surprised to find that I’d made that point myself in the case of Nadya

Lesbian Mothers and Sperm Donors, Known or Otherwise

Lesbian couples who wish to have children born to one of the women use donor sperm.  Instead of the general discussion about sperm donors (or sperm providers–it is true that since most men are paid “donor” is perhaps misleading) that has predominated on the blog recently, I wanted to focus a bit on this one specific circumstance. 

While some lesbian couples may wish to co-parent with a donor/provider (and perhaps his partner), I’m going to exclude them from consideration for the moment.  Instead I’ll focus on what I believe to be a substantially larger group:  lesbian couples who wish to raise a child with only two legal/social parents–the members of the couple.  

For these lesbian couples, the role of the donor/provider can be a source of some concern.   Most obviously, they want to avoid his recognition as a legal parent of the child.  

Lesbian Mothers in Montana after Kulstad

Not long ago I wrote about Kulstad v. Maniaci,  an opinion from the Montana Supreme Court involving separated lesbian mothers.    As a result of the case, Michelle Kulstad gained a form of legal recognition as a parent in her struggle with her former partner, Barbara Maniaci.

The same court has now decided a second case, Filpula v.  Ankney, arising from a somewhat similar situation.   This one doesn’t break new ground, as does the last one.   It simply makes it more clear how the law in Montana will operate.    That’s worth noting because having a clear understanding of how the law in Montana will operate ought to eliminate the need for (some) litigation. 

Filpula arises in a familiar context.   Linda Filpula  and Dustine Ankney were in a relationship for twelve years.   

A quick run through some news on lesbian and gay parents

Again, my apologies for the lengthy silence.  First I was travelling and in my travels, I managed to contract the H1N1 flu.  I’m prepared to affirm that it is a nasty bug.   I am not yet out of quarantine, but at least I am feeling human again.  

A couple of recent items on lesbian and gay parents.  (I actually think there were more than two, but I’ve lost track.) 

First, here’s a current item from France.   France permits single people to adopt, including single lesbians and gay men, does not permit lesbian and gay couples to adopt.   The rationale?   The absence of a different sex role model in a lesbian or gay couple.  

Men as Parents and the Power of Public Appreciation

There was a story in yesterday’s New York Times that I thought worth a little discussion.  The story was in the science section and is about fathers and parenthood.  (I am not sure the NYT headline really suits the article, but that’s really beside the point.)   It made me think about some of the recent discussion here. 

One thing the article notes is detrimental effect of social messaging that excludes men/fathers.   These paragraphs caught my attention: 

Uninvolved fathers have long been accused of lacking motivation. But research shows that many societal obstacles conspire against them. Even as more fathers are changing diapers, dropping the children off at school and coaching soccer, they are often pushed aside in ways large and small.

News from the UK: Gay Fathers Reflect

I seem to have allowed myself a de facto sabbatical from my blog last week.   My apologies to you all, but I suppose I needed the time away.   Anyway, I’ll gear myself back up now. 

Here’s a story about gay fathers in the UK.  It isn’t really a story, though. It’s six gay men/couples talking about their experiences adopting in the UK.   Not the sort of thing you see in the mainstream press all that often, really.  

I’ve been thinking a good deal about gay men and parenthood recently, though I haven’t had occasion to write about it for a while.   One so often lumps together “gay and lesbian” parents.  Yet parenthood is deeply gendered (surely I’ve said this thirty times?) and so lumping lesbian and gay parents together misses as much as it captures.   

News From Australia: How Many Parents and Why?

I’ve been mulling over a recent news story from Australia that someone sent to me.  It’s a rather complicated tale.   

 Ms. Fabian and Ms. Halifax (they only give last names in the story) were in a relationship for about seven years.  During that time, each of them gave birth to a child.   Ms. Halifax used sperm from a family friend, identified as  Mr. Dalton.  That child is now seven.  Ms. Fabian used sperm from an anonymous donor.   That child, a girl, is the subject of the litigation.  She is now three. 

The two women separated when the daughter was 20 months old.  At the time they lived in Queensland, but at least Ms. Fabian, and perhaps both, were from New South Wales.    Ms. Fabian now wants to return to New South Wales.

Her request to move is being opposed not only by her former partner, Ms.  Halifax, but also by a gay male couple.   According to the newspaper story, this couple “cannot be named,” but one of them is apparently the donor for the other child, which would mean he is Mr. Dalton.   An Australian court has determined that she should not move while the requests of the various parties are considered.