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Here is a report on a case of the kind I want to think about. Though the report is more fleshed out than this, it is basically a case of a lesbian couple who want to start a family using a known sperm donor to inseminate at home.

One thing to understand is that the outcome of the case will vary state to state. In Washington State, the donor is not a father. In New York the donor is a father. In Kansas if the sperm had been provided to a doctor who did the insemination, then the donor is not a father. The easy thing to say about that is that everyone thinking about something like this better check the law in their own state carefully.

But then there’s the larger question–what should the answer be? Should the donor be a father? He didn’t intend to be. He hasn’t acted as one. That makes me say no. As I’ve said before, the genetic link may be important, it may give him some obligations and some rights, but I hardly think it should make him a parent. (I’ve written about this at much greater length. You can find that paper here. It’s free though registration is required.) From what you can tell from the story, the second woman is far more likely to be a parent than is the donor.

And is she a parent? That’s a question for another day.